Month Three: Your AmnioYou will have an amniocentesis. This pre-natal test will be punishment for you having waited so long to have a baby. You will be shocked to hear that at age 35 there is a one in 265 chance that your kid will have Down's syndrome. And the odds get worse as you get older. You will be even more shocked to hear that the test to see if your baby is a retard has a one in 200 chance of killing the baby. You will blame your husband for these odds. It will be his fault because he didn't want to have kids sooner. Or it will be his fault that he did not come into your life sooner. Either way, you will yell. You will not yell during the amniocentesis, though, because surely that would increase the chance that the technician will miss and poke the baby and kill it. And how old are these technicians anyway? Did they learn to do this needle stuff at the local technical college? You will look desperately into the technician's eyes to see if they are flinching over the discovery of the dreaded extra chromosome. The technicians will know nothing, though. You will yell at your husband for this, too. He will buy you flowers because that's what all the how-to-be-an-expecting-dad books tell the dads to do.
Month Four: Your Clothes | Your Worries | Your Discharge |